I wanted to thank you for presenting me with the last straw. I know my worth, and I certainly deserve better. I'm letting go of you and everything I have ever felt for you. You didn't deserve for me to share my feelings with you, and you didn't deserve for me to share my body with you. Nor did you deserve my forgiveness... no. Saying "happy new year" and "I'm sorry" and "I missed you a lot" after you dropped off the radar for three months should not have been enough for me to forgive you and welcome you back into my life.
I gave you my forgiveness and a second chance because I chose to have faith in you. I chose to see the good in you, and be understanding of the fact that you were grieving the loss of your chance with someone you loved. But we were friends. I loved you and I wanted to be there for you, to support you and help you through it, but I also fooled myself into becoming vulnerable without you, lying to myself until I thought I needed you. I thought that if I needed you, you would be there. You had to be there.
But I don't need you. Now you're going around telling me you're an asshole and behaving as badly as you can to ward me off so that you don't have to get hurt again, and so that I won't expect anything of you anymore. Maybe you're scared you might actually like me, I don't know. And I don't care anymore. I'm letting go of you. And I'm completely comfortable knowing that this is your loss, not mine. I would have been there for you, but you would not have been there for me.
As someone I once cared about, you'll always be somewhere at the back of my mind. And I honestly hope you make the right choice in the future to NOT be the asshole. Because being the asshole is easy. Nobody cares about you or comes near you, so you don't have to be afraid of ever losing anyone. You don't have to be afraid of failing to meet anyone's expectations of you, because no one will have any expectations.
If you change your mind and decide that you don't wanna be "the asshole" or "the bad guy" anymore, I'll still be here. But you'll actually have to prove to me that you're worth my time, the next time around. I won't forgive you so easily again. And if you never come back, never apologize, never decide you want me in your life... I'll be fine.
So here's to hoping that one day I'll see the guy I used to know, the one who deserved my time.
And to the new you... I expected better.