Sometimes I think, maybe if I go crazy they'll let me out of here. That would be easier. I could sleep all day and nobody would care, because crazy people have nothing better to do. I could sit in my little room all day and paint crazy shit that nobody understands, write crazy songs that coulda woulda shoulda wowed the whole fucking world, but it'll never wow anyone because my mental state takes away all its value.
Sometimes I think, I need a place where it's acceptable to rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, squatting down and lulling myself to sleep on my skinny little ankles. Or laugh at things that should have made me cry, cry at things that should have made me laugh. There wouldn't be any expectations, nothing to live up to. No biology lab report, or case study to hand in for business. No scripts about man-eating plants to memorize. No CAS hours and fucking essays upon essays about things that don't matter in the end.
I am wasting my life away, Or my life is wasting me away. I may as well be doing it somewhere fun with a bunch of crazy people, just like me. I am a rare breed in this world. I don't belong here. I don't belong here. I don't belong here.
And yet I can't be crazy. I can't do that. I could, but I can't. If I go crazy... then that's it. I shall simply vegetate in a ward full of people just like me, and I will be forgotten, and nobody will care. I won't get to see the world. The world won't get to see me.
Sometimes I think, maybe I've gone crazy already. Cause what is a dreamer, really? It's a person living in their own little world, where motorcycles just appear in their possession, and midnight drives in rusty red trucks last for centuries. So okay... I am crazy. But I'm still here. It's my purgatory. My body is bound in the prison cell of mediocrity and school uniforms... but my heart is already out there. My heart has befriended jazz street musicians in New Orleans, and gotten drunk backstage with rock stars. My heart has already bought you that Harley, and paid for us to get tattoos by Kat Von D. My heart has seen burlesque performers live, beautiful and plump in all the right places. My heart has toured the world and saved the lives of countless fucked up teens. My heart has already heard them say, "Your music saved my life".
I am an insane person... but I am a fully functional insane person who will bring life into a world that is killing itself by setting rules for itself and calling that "normal". Normal doesn't exist. It's bullshit.