I'm sorry for the way I act when I'm angry,
And I'm sorry for the way I act when I'm in love.
I'm sorry for being clingy.
I'm sorry for being so sensitive.
I'm sorry for taking it out on you.
Even though I was sad because of you or what you did,
I never want to hurt you.
I'm sorry for when I was weak.
I'm sorry for all the times
I missed the perfect moment to kiss you.
I'm sorry for letting you slip away...
And that apology, I don't know if I owe it
To you or to myself.
I'm sorry I keep apologizing
For things you say are not my fault.
I'm sorry for being too hopeful.
I'm sorry for my arrogance.
I'm sorry for the words that came out wrong.
I'm sorry you misunderstood what I meant.
I'm sorry you thought I wanted to own you.
I'm sorry I suffocated you.
I'm sorry for always wanting to know
Where you were.
I never wanted to be in control.
I just wanted to know you were safe.
I'm sorry I worry so much,
But that's just who I am.
I want to hold you in my arms,
Feel the warmth and softness of your skin,
Your breath tickling the surface of my body.
And in those moments, when I had that,
When you let me hold you...
I never wanted to let you go.
Because I always thought what might happen if
You had one too many drinks on an empty stomach
And had to cross a busy street.
I thought about who might hurt you.
I'm sorry if I made it feel like you could never live your life with me around.
I want adventure and excitement and that ceaseless rush and high.
And I want you to have that.
After those moments,
With your head on my shoulder,
Or our cold hands both hiding in your coat pocket together,
I realized I had caught a glimpse of paradise.
And paradise included you.
And how I feared,
With every bone in my body,
That with one step in the wrong direction,
I would lose you.
We'd never have those moments again.
I'm sorry you never saw me cry.
And I'm sorry you couldn't cry in front of me.
I'm sorry for crying now.
I'm sorry for my regrets.
I'm sorry for branding my body.
I'm sorry for making a mess of things.
I'm sorry for holding back.
I don't know how to fix the mistakes I made.
And I don't know how to get another chance.
But I know all the things I could have, should have done.
I know all the things I would do if you let me.
I can't change the essence of who I am,
But I can learn the importance of risks.
Life is short.
Fear is strong.
But only by overcoming it
Will you ever be able to thrive.
We need to learn
To quit the jobs we hate
And make investments we cannot afford
And kiss strangers we find attractive.
But I don't want to kiss a stranger.
I want to kiss you.
I could be so much more poetic.
I could make use of metaphors.
But at this point,
A riddle will do me no good.
Sometimes, all you can be
I still want to kiss you. But the way you deserve, this time.
Not like a hundred year old Christmas tree ornament made of glass
That I'm afraid to break.
I want to kiss you like a wave crashes into the rocks in a storm.
I want us to be engulfed in each other, like the flame and the firewood.
I want to kiss you like a lion's roar,
And for you to kiss me like a wolf howling at the moon.
I want to tear myself out of these clothes,
Bring down this ceiling,
Break this box
And give my heart the space it needs to beat,
I mean really beat,
Like it's been trying to do
While caged and confined all this time.
In a moment of only slightly parted lips,
For you to hear all the screams, sobs and songs I've held inside
There is nothing I have ever been more sure of in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't do it before, but now,
I want to kiss you.