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About Hobbyist Artist Member Hexa FleetFemale/Romania Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
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(Contains: strong language)
Sometimes I think, maybe if I go crazy they'll let me out of here. That would be easier. I could sleep all day and nobody would care, because crazy people have nothing better to do. I could sit in my little room all day and paint crazy shit that nobody understands, write crazy songs that coulda woulda shoulda wowed the whole fucking world, but it'll never wow anyone because my mental state takes away all its value.

Sometimes I think, I need a place where it's acceptable to rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, squatting down and lulling myself to sleep on my skinny little ankles. Or laugh at things that should have made me cry, cry at things that should have made me laugh. There wouldn't be any expectations, nothing to live up to. No biology lab report, or case study to hand in for business. No scripts about man-eating plants to memorize. No CAS hours and fucking essays upon essays about things that don't matter in the end.

I am wasting my life away, Or my life is wasting me away. I may as well be doing it somewhere fun with a bunch of crazy people, just like me. I am a rare breed in this world. I don't belong here. I don't belong here. I don't belong here.  

And yet I can't be crazy. I can't do that. I could, but I can't. If I go crazy... then that's it. I shall simply vegetate in a ward full of people just like me, and I will be forgotten, and nobody will care. I won't get to see the world. The world won't get to see me.

Sometimes I think, maybe I've gone crazy already. Cause what is a dreamer, really? It's a person living in their own little world, where motorcycles just appear in their possession, and midnight drives in rusty red trucks last for centuries. So okay... I am crazy. But I'm still here. It's my purgatory. My body is bound in the prison cell of mediocrity and school uniforms... but my heart is already out there. My heart has befriended jazz street musicians in New Orleans, and gotten drunk backstage with rock stars. My heart has already bought you that Harley, and paid for us to get tattoos by Kat Von D. My heart has seen burlesque performers live, beautiful and plump in all the right places. My heart has toured the world and saved the lives of countless fucked up teens. My heart has already heard them say, "Your music saved my life".

I am an insane person... but I am a fully functional insane person who will bring life into a world that is killing itself by setting rules for itself and calling that "normal". Normal doesn't exist. It's bullshit.
You and I are alike... when we were young we were strange and now we continue to be strange but we walk with more confidence in all of our strangeness, because when the weird ones are taller and stronger, the world shies away from us in case we might rub off on them. But even so, we still remember... those days when we had no friends. Those days when we knew we were too young to feel the way we did. And even now, years later, when we are grown and our hearts are strong, we cannot forgive them... we cannot forgive the people who hurt us that way. Even though they were just children and yes, children can be cruel but they didn't know any better... but we still can't forgive them. Because deep down we know that they continue to be the reason why still, tall and strong as we are, we are inclined to sadness.

The first cut happened when I was ten years old, as did the first thoughts of ending it all. And that was because of petty little girls whispering things behind my back. They were young and stupid, as was I... but the consequences remain and the relapses are getting worse. It has been almost seven years.

I'm trying to get better, because I want you to see the real me. The one that can be happy. They didn't take that away from me. It's still there, beneath the scars that have faded then found their way back over and over again. And I know your fingerprints are all over my heart, because you've already touched it... if only you could see that we were meant to be. Because that doesn't happen... you don't meet your love at first sight only to lose them. Someone is always chasing, and yes, maybe it's me, but I know something you don't believe. Hold on, hold on.... I wish you'd see these tears... see these blood-shot eyes and maybe, the way the light shines through the salty water will show you something new that you had never seen before... maybe these tears can be a crystal ball and finally, finally you will see what I have planned for you and me...

The rusty red truck that will carry us through the night to a clearing where there are more stars than anywhere else, where the sky is ours and only ours and we have all the time in the world to count every last little one because I smashed that pocket-watch and now time stands still just for us. And I'll bring my Zippo lighter fluid to start us a bonfire and we'll try again and again until we make the perfect s'more and share it.

I'll write my music and the house will be filled with it every single day, bringing our souls up so high that our feet float off the ground and fly along with the notes as if trying to catch them.

From time to time the music will take me around the world, to share it and help other people who are or were like me, the people who are bigger than they dare to be and thus are that way secretly... and I will help them find the bravery to show their pretty hearts off to the world. And you can come with me, to take a Polaroid of us kissing at all the important landmarks of the world.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer... But I'm not the only one"... you are one, too. See, baby, you give me the spark I need to accomplish my dreams, and I will give you the spark you need to dare to dream them in the first place.

This depression is temporary. And yes, my feelings are intense and I am terrified of them, as are you. But you once said you live for passion and electricity, and I'm a flame that burns brighter than the sun... right now we just happen to be experiencing a rare, total eclipse of the sun. But I will be back, and soon... hold on, hold on. I dare you to let it all in. I will make everything memorable, and we will live forever.
This Depression Is Temporary
Something I wrote for someone very close to my heart... someone I fear I'm losing. But all is not lost and I will keep trying.
I would rather lose my life
Doing what I love
Than lose my soul
Doing what I should.
Living My Life
I'm sure this statement has been made before, but I'm just putting it out there.
Kid by never-going-back
Kid Plotnikova, as photographed by Jason Kibbler for TeenVogue, November 2014. Sorry about the weird curve of the photo... my mom took it. That's my excuse :P
Coloured pencils and charcoal. Took about an hour and a half in total.
Doodled songbook cover WIP by never-going-back
Doodled songbook cover WIP
Changed the pic to black&white and lightened it a little so it's clearer, #crappyipodphoto
So yeah, I've got a new songbook and I didn't like the cover so I stuck paper on it and decided to doodle it with a bunch of random things haha. Lemme know what you guys think, I'll probs update whenever I make major changes until the whole cover's filled... then start on the back cover! :D
So, recently I've been getting into a lot of debates on here, mostly concerning religion and gay rights. I've already been called a bitch a couple times, and had people deny that the statistics I gave were true. SO, for those out there who are reading this and actually hearing me out...

I don't go to church, I don't pray, but I do believe in God because I was raised that way. However, I do not believe He is or ever will be the answer to all our problems, nor do I believe that the Bible or other religious texts should be the basis for what we consider moral or immoral.
Recently, a huge debate sparked between myself and another individual because I said that religion shouldn't be presented as the answer to all our problems. Why? Well, consider this: an atheist is battling depression and is told by a Christian that God will help them get through it. BAM. An entity they believe does not even exist has been presented as the solution for their problems. Depression gets worse.
By all means, feel free to say what you feel about your religion and your god, but always remember to begin the sentence with "I think". Since it's impossible to prove God's existence, you should not be presenting things related to religion as fact unless they have been in some way documented by a reliable source.
Another thing is... when I watched Chocolat, the movie ended with the priest saying something very wise. I don't remember the exact words, but it was something along the lines of "we cannot judge our goodness by what we don't do" and went on to say that goodness should also not be measured in what we deny ourselves and who we exclude.
Which brings me to the next point.

Gay. People. Are. People. That means that when you call them perverted, it hurts. When you deny them equal rights, it hurts. When you hold their sexuality against them due to preconceived notions, it hurts. Nobody likes prejudice... how many of the homophobes out there have actually bothered to sit down and talk to a gay person and find out how they think and how they live? Or just what they're like as a person? There are nice gay people and mean gay people, just like there are nice straight people and mean straight people, but you have to get to know them as individuals before judging them.
And then religion comes in again. "God doesn't hate them but he hates what they do" and "Gays are sinners" and "Because they choose not to change their ways, they choose to live a life apart from God, therefore they will go to hell". I've already heard all of these. You don't choose to be gay, it's not really something you can change either. It's like telling someone they're gonna go to hell because of their eye colour, which sounds stupid but if you think about it, it's exactly the same as telling a gay person they're gonna go to hell, except I suppose the Bible never mentioned God's dislike of a particular eye colour. But let me ask you this... what is religion about? It's about creating an environment which is filled with love, joy, peace, and friendship. It's supposed to be a safe haven... and it should be able to be that, for people from all walks of life, regardless of their race, gender, or sexuality. If you believe in God, I think it's time to evolve with the times and decide for yourself that since God created the first humans, and since them there have been gay humans born among us, we should assume that God let it be so. And if God created gays, he meant for them to be here and he meant for them to be invited with open arms by other members of the Christian faith. It's time to accept... straight people and gay people are not that different. You want the right to love who you love, be with the one you love, and express your love for that person openly and without fear. And as long as nothing has been done to harm you, you have NO reason to hold it against them.

I hope you get the message. And if you don't... well, I shall never stop trying and trying to explain again until you understand. I just want to open eyes to what I believe is true.


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Hexa Fleet
Artist | Hobbyist

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lady-of-the-quill Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey :wave: thank you for the fave!
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for adding my work to your collection
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Thanks for the fav.
mexicanpedo Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Thank you so much for the watch! :heart:
MarinaCoric Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Professional
Thanks for watching! :wave:
straight-butch29 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait... you're from Romania? :excited: I've always wanted to travel there since I found out about your awesome Romanian pop music 2 years ago! 
never-going-back Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist
Hahahaha, yeah, but I live in China. And I don't really listen to Romanian pop music hahaha. I'm more of a rocker XD
straight-butch29 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Why China? Oh, that's too bad...I was hoping you listened to Romanian pop also lol. I love Arsenie Toderas, btw :heart: He's hot and has an amazing voice.
Lunicc Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! <3 :tighthug:
jadesweetbox Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Hi. Nice to meet you, and thank you so much for your watch and support. Hope you'll enjoy my work in the future :)
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