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About Hobbyist Artist Member Hexa FleetFemale/Romania Recent Activity
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It never dies.
It lurks in the shadows of your mind,
Happily ravenous,
Waiting for just the right person,
Just the right image,
Just the right trigger,
To make it all about calories again.
It urges you
To chew ice cubes,
And measure your waist,
And skip meals.

It never dies.
Not until it kills you.
Anorexia
I hate when this demon starts poking at my thoughts again, and it's right back to square one... do I want nice boobs more, or skinny legs and waist? It seems I can only have either one or the other.
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Things were better when we were younger.
We never knew we would become the cruel creatures we are today.
It was easier to smile,
And harder to hurt people.
The pain and problems that poison our minds,
They were absent then.
It's my birthday,
And I'm older again.
I remember when we would celebrate this day,
But now I often try to forget it.

I forgive the injuries inflicted.
We were all little, and happy then,
And we are all just victims
Of time.
You say you're a pacifist because you're against physical violence
And yet,
You attack me with emotional brutality every chance you get.
That's ten times worse than a black eye,
Broken rib,
Internal bleeding.
Stop calling yourself a pacifist.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the way I act when I'm angry,
And I'm sorry for the way I act when I'm in love.
I'm sorry for being clingy.
I'm sorry for being so sensitive.
I'm sorry for taking it out on you.
Even though I was sad because of you or what you did,
I never want to hurt you.
I'm sorry for when I was weak.
I'm sorry for all the times
I missed the perfect moment to kiss you.
I'm sorry for letting you slip away...
And that apology, I don't know if I owe it
To you or to myself.
I'm sorry I keep apologizing
For things you say are not my fault.
I'm sorry for being too hopeful.
I'm sorry for my arrogance.
I'm sorry for the words that came out wrong.
I'm sorry you misunderstood what I meant.
I'm sorry you thought I wanted to own you.
I'm sorry I suffocated you.
I'm sorry for always wanting to know
Where you were.
I never wanted to be in control.
I just wanted to know you were safe.
I'm sorry I worry so much,
But that's just who I am.
I'm protective.
I want to hold you in my arms,
Feel the warmth and softness of your skin,
Your breath tickling the surface of my body.
And in those moments, when I had that,
When you let me hold you...
I never wanted to let you go.
Because I always thought what might happen if
You had one too many drinks on an empty stomach
And had to cross a busy street.
I thought about who might hurt you.
I'm sorry if I made it feel like you could never live your life with me around.
Trust me,
I know.
I want adventure and excitement and that ceaseless rush and high.
And I want you to have that.
But,
After those moments,
With your head on my shoulder,
Or our cold hands both hiding in your coat pocket together,
I realized I had caught a glimpse of paradise.
And paradise included you.
And how I feared,
With every bone in my body,
That with one step in the wrong direction,
I would lose you.
We'd never have those moments again.

I'm sorry you never saw me cry.
And I'm sorry you couldn't cry in front of me.
I'm sorry for crying now.
I'm sorry for my regrets.
I'm sorry for branding my body.
I'm sorry for making a mess of things.
I'm sorry for holding back.

I don't know how to fix the mistakes I made.
And I don't know how to get another chance.
But I know all the things I could have, should have done.
I know all the things I would do if you let me.
I can't change the essence of who I am,
But I can learn the importance of risks.
Life is short.
Fear is strong.
But only by overcoming it
Will you ever be able to thrive.
We need to learn
To quit the jobs we hate
And make investments we cannot afford
And kiss strangers we find attractive.
But I don't want to kiss a stranger.
I want to kiss you.

I could be so much more poetic.
I could make use of metaphors.
But at this point,
A riddle will do me no good.
Sometimes, all you can be
Is blunt.

I still want to kiss you. But the way you deserve, this time.
Not like a hundred year old Christmas tree ornament made of glass
That I'm afraid to break.
I want to kiss you like a wave crashes into the rocks in a storm.
I want us to be engulfed in each other, like the flame and the firewood.
I want to kiss you like a lion's roar,
And for you to kiss me like a wolf howling at the moon.
I want to tear myself out of these clothes,
Bring down this ceiling,
Break this box
And give my heart the space it needs to beat,
I mean really beat,
Like it's been trying to do
While caged and confined all this time.
I want,
In a moment of only slightly parted lips,
For you to hear all the screams, sobs and songs I've held inside
For centuries.

There is nothing I have ever been more sure of in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't do it before, but now,
Right now,

I want to kiss you.
I'm Sorry
This doesn't even begin to describe this feeling.
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Whatever crap I'm going to be submitting, or have been submitting recently, may very well confuse you, send mixed messages, yadda yadda yadda. 

I am not going to apologize for that. I have a right to be fucked up and not make sense. That is, pretty much, all.
Whatever crap I'm going to be submitting, or have been submitting recently, may very well confuse you, send mixed messages, yadda yadda yadda. 

I am not going to apologize for that. I have a right to be fucked up and not make sense. That is, pretty much, all.

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never-going-back's Profile Picture
never-going-back
Hexa Fleet
Artist | Hobbyist
Romania
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Comments


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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015
Thanks for the fave!:D
Reply
:iconlady-of-the-quill:
lady-of-the-quill Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey :wave: thank you for the fave!
Reply
:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for adding my work to your collection
Reply
:icondraganthemighty:
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner May 23, 2014
Thanks for the fav.
Reply
:iconmexicanpedo:
mexicanpedo Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Thank you so much for the watch! :heart:
Reply
:iconmarinacoric:
MarinaCoric Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Professional
Thanks for watching! :wave:
Reply
:iconstraight-butch29:
straight-butch29 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait... you're from Romania? :excited: I've always wanted to travel there since I found out about your awesome Romanian pop music 2 years ago! 
Reply
:iconnever-going-back:
never-going-back Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist
Hahahaha, yeah, but I live in China. And I don't really listen to Romanian pop music hahaha. I'm more of a rocker XD
Reply
:iconstraight-butch29:
straight-butch29 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Why China? Oh, that's too bad...I was hoping you listened to Romanian pop also lol. I love Arsenie Toderas, btw :heart: He's hot and has an amazing voice.
Reply
:iconlunicc:
Lunicc Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! <3 :tighthug:
Reply
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