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I wanted to thank you for presenting me with the last straw. I know my worth, and I certainly deserve better. I'm letting go of you and everything I have ever felt for you. You didn't deserve for me to share my feelings with you, and you didn't deserve for me to share my body with you. Nor did you deserve my forgiveness... no. Saying "happy new year" and "I'm sorry" and "I missed you a lot" after you dropped off the radar for three months should not have been enough for me to forgive you and welcome you back into my life.

I gave you my forgiveness and a second chance because I chose to have faith in you. I chose to see the good in you, and be understanding of the fact that you were grieving the loss of your chance with someone you loved. But we were friends. I loved you and I wanted to be there for you, to support you and help you through it, but I also fooled myself into becoming vulnerable without you, lying to myself until I thought I needed you. I thought that if I needed you, you would be there. You had to be there.

But I don't need you. Now you're going around telling me you're an asshole and behaving as badly as you can to ward me off so that you don't have to get hurt again, and so that I won't expect anything of you anymore. Maybe you're scared you might actually like me, I don't know. And I don't care anymore. I'm letting go of you. And I'm completely comfortable knowing that this is your loss, not mine. I would have been there for you, but you would not have been there for me.

As someone I once cared about, you'll always be somewhere at the back of my mind. And I honestly hope you make the right choice in the future to NOT be the asshole. Because being the asshole is easy. Nobody cares about you or comes near you, so you don't have to be afraid of ever losing anyone. You don't have to be afraid of failing to meet anyone's expectations of you, because no one will have any expectations.

If you change your mind and decide that you don't wanna be "the asshole" or "the bad guy" anymore, I'll still be here. But you'll actually have to prove to me that you're worth my time, the next time around. I won't forgive you so easily again. And if you never come back, never apologize, never decide you want me in your life... I'll be fine.

So here's to hoping that one day I'll see the guy I used to know, the one who deserved my time.

And to the new you... I expected better.

Goodbye.
A Goodbye
Never settle for less than you deserve just because you believe in someone.
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My friendships are not beautiful. I see other people posting pictures on social media of their beautiful friendships, perfect selfies taken with the most recent iPhone in flawless lighting they must have spent ages searching for. Sometimes I fall into the trap of envying their Instagram-worthy gatherings and city wanderings, where everyone is blonde and beautiful, with a halo of light gleaming through their hair or onto their sun-kissed faces, model bodies looking gorgeous in their hipster-trendy high-waisted jeans. But however on fleek their eyebrows are, however well they are "werk"-ing the newest addition to their endless wardrobes, their friendships mean nothing to me.

I return to my silent little world of ugly friendships consisting of puffy red eyes, deep and meaningful conversations that inevitably end with someone's snot on their sleeve, and nights in with friends all sitting on my sofa in frumpy pajamas and fluffy socks, talking about everything from sex and love to history, gay rights, and politics. Yes, we take selfies and go shopping and wander the city on Wednesdays wearing our Sunday best, but while others document the illusion of perfection, we document the truth of being flawed, as every person is. We don't have to do our makeup before every selfie, sometimes it might just be us fooling around, snort-laughing and scrunching up our faces stupidly.

But most of our moments last only that long--in the moment. Most of our moments are silent discussions about deep secrets, or someone blasting Marilyn Manson for the first time while another one of us, a wine-drunk fan of his work, sings along off-key and rolls around on the floor dramatically impersonating her idol... (that would be me). We find condom wrappers when our friend had only just met that cute guy, or candy wrappers when they're supposed to be on a diet, but we never judge, just jokingly interrogate and genuinely care.

I don't think I'm ever going to be in an Instagram-worthy friendship. But I'm happy being in these messy, crazy, ugly friendships, because at the end of the day, they're the most beautiful of all.
How's your day been?
I love this question because it's simple,
Short and sweet,
Loving and caring without seeming to weigh too much.

There is a reason why we only ask about today.
Because if we asked about this year,
You may have been through a breakup
Or lost a family member,
Moved away from your friends,
Or lost a job you needed.

If we asked about this month,
You may have let your bills pile up
And struggled to make it to the end of the month without
Borrowing money from people.
You may have gotten sick because the weather is changing,
Or been too busy at work to go out with friends.

But if we ask about today,
We have the potential to make a change.
Today could have been good,
And this question allows us to celebrate it.
Or it may have been bad,
And this question allows us to talk about it,
Talk about what's bothering us,
Confide in someone who cares
About what is going on today.

But above all, today is just one day.
However good or bad it has been,
Tomorrow we get another chance,
And we haven't really lost that much time,
If it so happens that today was not okay.

Remind someone you love them;
Just ask about their day.
How's Your Day Been?
A dear friend of mine is celebrating her birthday today. I asked her this question, and it made me think about the meaning of the question. So I wrote this poem.
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Hair Modeling #1 by never-going-back
Hair Modeling #1
Love my new haircut! This is just a sneak peek I got from the photographer, still waiting for the others! Will post as soon as I receive them :)
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Makeup Modeling #4 by never-going-back
Makeup Modeling #4
She said, "You may need to act a little. You're a 30-something-year-old banker in the Great Depression."
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OKAY! So some of you may have noticed that I just submitted a SHIT TON of pictures titled Consensual Roughness Shoot. THERE ARE MORE COMING, my eyes just can't take any more right now hahah, it is legitimately exhausting to post SO MANY PHOTOS and type in SO MANY TAGS, just UGH! But anyways, yes, I will be giving you the full photographer credit and everything shortly, I was just a model for this!

I chose to do this shoot because I really love that it's CONSENSUAL Roughness. I thought it was a really good cause, and although I don't have a full-blown hand fetish per se, I do like hands. I like holding them and kissing them, and I just think hands are so special cause they do so much hard work. They get callouses from writing or playing on monkey bars, they get paper cuts, you're always hitting them against sharp corners cause your arms are just swinging wildly at your sides, so I did hands focus to show my appreciation for these beautiful things that really do SO MUCH for us.

I was kind of nervous about this shoot, thought maybe I would be too awkward, wouldn't fit in, blah blah blah, but no, everyone was very warm and welcoming and it was really a lot of fun :)

You can visit the Consensual Roughness website here:  www.consensualroughness.com

That's all for now!! Check back in, like I said, more pictures will be up soon! AND PLEASE DON'T SEND ME CREEPY MESSAGES, ESPECIALLY MEN! I'm bisexual but more something like 80% lesbian so DON'T BOTHER! THANK YOU! XD

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never-going-back
Hexa Fleet
Artist | Hobbyist
Romania
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:iconstardust-splendor:
Stardust-Splendor Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2016  Professional
Thanks for watching. ;)
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:iconchriseastmids:
chriseastmids Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for the watch :D its quite a journey :lol:
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:icongrimdreamart:
GrimDreamArt Featured By Owner May 1, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for faving "Fantasy Castle II" :D
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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave!:D
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:iconlady-of-the-quill:
lady-of-the-quill Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey :wave: thank you for the fave!
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:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for adding my work to your collection
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:icondraganthemighty:
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner May 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the fav.
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:iconmexicanpedo:
mexicanpedo Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Thank you so much for the watch! :heart:
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:iconmarinacoric:
MarinaCoric Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Professional
Thanks for watching! :wave:
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